Yes I have swimming anxiety. Not the kind that makes me fearful to go into the water. As a matter of fact I’ll be the first one to jump in the deep end with my grandkids and the last one to get out.
I love the water.
I hate the water.
Wait..what?? It’s true. If you ask me to go swimming, go to the ocean or the lake I am there before you can finish inviting me.
Yet last year when it came to doing the one and only sprint triathlon I had signed up for I chickened out. The anxiety about the swim part grabbed me and wouldn’t let go.
I had done this tri before so I knew the drill. It was an outside pool swim and you were seeded according to your swim time. The last time I did it I was the next to last to get in and out of the pool and I barely made it. I promised myself it would never happen again.
I have no problem being the last out of the pool. That’s okay but what I didn’t like was how I struggled with the swim. I thought I had trained enough but obviously not. I knew what I had to do.
So last year I signed up for it again knowing that I REALLY needed to practice, train and train some more. And guess what I did?
I got a PhD in swim procrastination. I did some training but by the time the triathlon was 10 days away I started to panic so I rationalized as to why it wasn’t a good idea to participate. My lame reasons amuse me now but I remember waking up the morning of the tri and thinking “Wow that was such a good decision” and then a week later beating myself up for not at least giving it a go.
One of my main reasons ( aside from the lack of training) was the waiting by the pool for a good 2 hours before it was my turn. Not only was it in the blazing sun but there were women (it was a women’s only tri) already crossing the finish line by the time I got in the pool.
An embarrassing, anxiety inducing, heat exhausting wait. Nope wasn’t going to do it.
The joke was on me. They used two pools this past year to avoid the wait. Beat myself up some more upon hearing that.
So here it is January 2017. There is 8 inches of snow on the ground and I am thinking about wiggling and contorting my post Christmas, post birthday celebration body into a swimsuit and going for a swim.
Of course the main problem ( which I always blame my lack of training on) is there is no close by indoor pool I have been patiently waiting for the one to be finished that is about 25 minutes away but it’s taking forever.
Wouldn’t you know as I was online checking on the pool construction status I find one on our local military base that is not only what I need but can use right now. It’s a little farther away but doable for once or twice a week.
And my anxiety started simultaneously with the excuses as to why I couldn’t manage this. Everything from:
- there will probably be all these fit young military people swimming there..how embarrassing to be the slow poke
- to the old standby “I don’t have the time for this”
I got myself into such a state of anxiety I was starting to think about the leftover birthday cake downstairs that would taste so good with a hershey kiss chaser. So far I am resisting…barely.
After a couple of deep breaths I made a decision!
I WILL swim this
week Thursday* because despite all my reservations, all the silly excuses I make up, all my anxiety over doing it, and not really wanting to put on my suit I KNOW that I will be so disappointed in myself it I don’t at least try..or should that be tri.
What will you Tri this week???
P.S. Its Thursday because it fits into my schedule but most of all the roads in my community won’t be iced over by then!