Dear TV police..please arrest ABC for theft

So I am an on again off again TV watcher.  After getting Netflix a few months ago I now understand the love affair between people and their DVR’s.  Commercial free veiwing is true bliss not to mention a real time saver.

That’s not what I want to write about though.  If there really was something like the TV police I would put everyone at ABC in jail for theft ….of several of my IQ points.

I was originally only going to write about one program but then this morning on Good Morning America they stole at least one more.  Plus they are aiding and abetting the dumbing down  of America.

It all started with the show “The Bachelor”.   Just to be clear I have been, in the past, a fan of this show. Also I realize that this is some people’s guilty pleasure and others watch it for pure comedic value.  It makes no difference why you watch it, no apologies needed.

I do have to share the very first time I saw an episode.  I was channel surfing many years ago ( at least 8 because it was in our old house) and I saw this girl sitting with a bunch of other beautiful women practically having a nervous breakdown and a guy handing out roses and I was like “What the???”  What is going on here?  This guy must be some kinda special.  Turns out he really wasn’t but I was hooked.

Fast forward to when Melissa Rycroft was on and officially ended my Bachelor watching days except for a glance here or there.  If you recall Melissa was the final choice except during the time filming had ended and the show actually aired the jerk changed his mind and secretly started seeing the runner up and humilated Melissa on the “After the Final Rose” show to which she replied “you bastard” which is my all time favorite line from the the Bachelor EVER.

He did Melissa a favor as she went on to bigger and better things and married a nicer guy.

So this season found Farmer Chris trying to choose his perfect soulmate and move her to a town in Iowa where everything is closed except of  course his farm which explains why he had to be on the Bachelor because there are no women in his town.

So a couple of things I have realized since my days of watching:

  • It’s not a show about finding love, its a competition
  • It’s so edited that even the nice girls come out looking like drama queens
  • They pick the girls so there is at least one girl who will get naked, one with a tragic background, more than several that can’t talk without swearing , a couple that can’t hold their alcohol or don’t know how to stop, the party animals, and the ones that cry ALL THE TIME..oh wait that was Chris  the Bachelor
  • Throw them all in one house with one guy as the prize and you have great ratings.

Please..I saw a part of the show with the final dates and the final show.  It was painful.  Painfully stupid.   And the only reason I watched was for some laughs from all the twitter comments.  I did however especially like the part where he shut the car door on the girl he didn’t choose ( she wasn’t sure she could move to a town where everything was closed..smart girl)  He shut the car door with an attitude and I’m sure mumbled under his breath “don’t let the car door hit you in the spanks on your way home”

Here is my favorite photo of Chris that was rampant on twitter:

Chris with an ear of corn

On top of that the shows’ brainiacs could not choose a new Bachelorette so instead there are two women who will get to compete for the position and the voters will be the guys competing for her love.  Seriously??  Walk away girls Walk away..and there goes another IQ point.

It must be rampant at ABC..the dumbing down that is ( except for Shonda Rhimes) because just the other day on GMA they were featuring Antonio Sabato Jr ( I think it was him or some other cute Latin hunk) who is now into decorating and fixing up homes.  So they decided to give Ginger Zee and Amy Rhoback a quiz ( where you hit the buzzer and yell out your answer) So here is the first question ( turned it off after this, couldn’t take it)

If you want to hang a picture in your home for a focal point on the wall and a splash of color, which of the following do you NOT need?

      A.  A stud finder

            B.  A hook and nail

C.  A trowel

And  Ginger Zee with way too much excitement hits her buzzer and yells out C.   OMG  and Duh.  So I shut it off. Then I had a thought.  That quiz was rigged because any college student knows a trowel  (or a shoe, book or spoon) can work as a hammer.  So the real answer is  D. All of the Above

Have to run, if you need to find me I will be applying for a job as an ABC executive overseeing the Bachelor.  Oh wait, I’m too smart for that.

Dear Monday, I am breaking up with you!

I usually love Mondays.  A brand new week and a fresh start.  A chance to do even better than last week which for me would be something as simple, time consuming as finding the top of my desk.

Not this Monday, nope not in the least.  Really really wish I could go back to bed and have a do over.

Speaking of my bed that is where it all started at 4am ( damn time change) and it went downhill from there.  I should have known if things started going wrong before my feet even hit the floor that the best idea would have been to just stay put but NOOOOOO  I had to get the ball rolling by actually getting up.

So here goes:

  • I wake up at 4m..a little too early ( the plan was 5am) grab some water and back to bed
  • what seemed like 2 minutes later it is 6:30am  Ok no biggie since I work for home ( not as glamorous as it sounds)
  • notice I have something in my eye that is really irritating
  • am blinded in the bathroom by the uber bright light bulbs Paul thought we absolutely needed and my eye waters even more
  • give up looking in my eye, head for coffee, eye is killing me
  • make coffee or so I thought, seated the filter wrong and I find myself straining my coffee so its less crunchy
  • eye is killing me, back to the bathroom..nothing but my finger in it
  • hot compresses and 2 hours later I find a teeny tiny piece of black something in it
  • only have almond milk for my crunchy coffee and discover it tastes like &^(*%$
  • have my intelligence insulted by Good Morning America ( my next blog post )

At this point I am 2 hours behind, my eye is still watering and I have a coffee headache, I need to get photos printed up for a project that HAS to go in the mail today and my computer got hungry and seems to have eaten them overnight.

Oh and our taxes are ready as in Uncle Sam wants more of our money.

If you need me I will be in bed blowing bubbles with my crunchy coffee watching ABC for more blog material..as in see next blog post.

 

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Happy Monday! NOT!!

The Bike Trainer almost won…. The gadgets are taking over

It was one of THOSE days last Tuesday.

The New Year brought us new gadgets and inspiration to get the old gadgets up to speed.  So we found someone who actually knew what he was doing in the audio/video field to fix what many others had mucked up, and get the new stuff set up correctly.

And along with all that came a new learning curve for us  me.  I now know enough to write things down and try them out before I let the electronics wizard out the door.

And while I didn’t do any of the setting up I was answering lots of questions,  testing things out and running up and down stairs.  Considering what happened later with the bike trainer I  should have considered THAT my work out.

The next hurdle  in the elctronics adventure will be to get Paul on board since everything now operates differently.  Normally I would not think this would be a problem but since he claims Amazon is not user friendly ( WHAT??) I have some concerns.

So this evening with about 95% of my brain used up on new electronics I decided to go for my first indoor bike trainer ride since last year.

And  I couldn’t JUST go ride the bike ..NOOO I had to go get my Garmin watch to track my miles and speed.

From there it went like this:

  • Remember that I needed to put in replacement parts  on my bike so my Garmin birth control would sync with my bike
  • Find replacement parts
  • Find iPad so I could follow you tube video on how to do it
  • First video has no sound, find second video
  • Go get flashlight that actually works
  • Go get scissors
  • Go find glasses
  • Watch video, rewind, go get towel to clean off spot on bike to  replace sensor that I lost
  • Fool around and ruin 2 out of the 3 zip ties that came with replacement kit
  • Finally get it working
  • Lose glasses
  • Find glasses
  • Get water
  • Change clothes
  • Go get shoes
  • Fiddle with TV so I have something to watch
  • Get on bike, need glasses
  • Get off bike, get glasses ..fool with Garmin Watch
  • Get on bike, get off bike to find TV control
  • Get on bike..room is too hot
  • Get off bike turn on fans
  • Get on bike and actually start cycling and realize I didn’t cut off zip ties and they are rubbing bike frame
  • Off bike,find scissors,  cut zip ties, adjust bike on trainer
  • Ride bike for 10 minutes and realize I never started watch which if you recall STARTED this whole fiasco
  • Start watch and cycle for 3 miles

At one point I was about to throw in the towel and just give up but I perservered.  And now I need to find my second wind because I can’t find the paper that I wrote down the instructions on how to turn the TV off.  Its either going to be a long night or a noisy one.image

Living Single While Very Married…. Who are these people?

Before I get into our story I thought a little info about who we are might be in order.

My name is Jennifer. I was named Jennifer long before it was the most popular name on earth..well it used to be.  I would like to believe my parents were ahead of their time, a little edgy and cool.

Truth is they found my name in a dictionary. So much for edgy and cool.

As an afterthought they said I was named after my Aunt Jenny who I never met and don’t know much about.  What I do know is that I am not nor have I ever been a Jenny. Perfectly nice name but it is not mine. I have been Jennifer most of my life, Jenn to some and even J-RO ( a parody on J-LO that stuck) but never Jenny.

This is the story of how my husband and I fell into a marriage sabbatical.

We never intended for it to happen, it just did and we learned quite a bit along the way. Will try to leave out the boring stuff. Won’t leave out the hard stuff and sorry but I have to include the mushy stuff because that is part of the story.

Most of all it is a story of love, gratitude, appreciation, frustration, depression and celebration. It is story of a small part of our life.

 Our story.

Everyone has a story…believe me everyone has a story. Just strike up a conversation and you will hear some incredible stuff.

Paul is the other half of this dynamic duo.

If you had him write about himself it would consist of

“Hi, I’m Paul “

How did Miss Social, Miss run at the mouth get married to a man of few words? Who knows but it works for us. Took me years of dragging him to large  social events to learn that he really prefers smaller gatherings. Once he gets to know the group he is fine but I  literally dragged him to neighborhood events. Now he can’t wait to go. And I might add he is very popular. Go figure

As for names, his parents like mine, were not really edgy or cool in choosing his name. He is a Junior.  Named after his father. If the “junior” part of this story remains after editing it will be a coup for me because he never uses it and really doesn’t care for it.

Ironically our son in law goes by Junior as his first provigil name…it fits him. It does not fit Paul.

A few other things you should know. Paul leans towards being type A (organized, gets things done in a timely fashion, detail oriented).

I am not sure what type I am but it for sure is not type A. I am the type that leaves every door (car door, cabinet door or front door) open (self closing doors would be good for me), I have  unique organization system ( I sometimes don’t understand it) I have raised procrastination to an art and I love adventures…big and small. I don’t think there is a “type” label for me. I’m fine with that…not really into labels.

Before I met Paul I was a little concerned about the kind of guys I was attracting.

The ones I wanted to date had no interest in me and the ones who wanted to date me were not even close to what I found attractive. The top of that list being a sense of humor and at least as tall as me. I admit that is a little shallow but I am only 5″ 5″ so I wasn’t really asking for much. It seemed all the short humorless guys were beating a path to my doorway.

I really wondered if this was what was in store for me for the rest of my life.

I was all of 20 years old.

I later learned, long after we married that Paul often wondered if there was anyone out there that would love him just for him. This puzzled me since I have always thought he was really handsome, tall (6’2″), funny, and intelligent…I mean really…what’s not to love?

Honestly when we got married I wondered if someone was going to break out in that song from the movie “Funny Girl” when Barbra Streisand marries Omar Sharif:

“To tell the truth it hurt my pride, the groom was prettier than the bride…”

Which just proves that we are all vulnerable in the love category.

After 7 short months of dating we got engaged. He graduated from the Naval Academy and went to flight school and I went back to college to finish my last year.

That was our first clue that time apart would become a big part of our relationship. We just didn’t know how big. Stay tuned.

me and paul

Are you ready to See Jenn Tri “Living Single While Very Married”?

I have been wanting to share this story for awhile now.   I wasn’t sure what to call it.  I started calling it a “Marriage Sabbatical” but it was missing something so while I still use that phrase it seems these five words seem to capture the essence of our story:

“Living Single While Very Married”

So how do two fifty somethings maintain a marriage, a relationship and more importantly a sense of humor while living 8 states and over a thousand miles away from each other?

Surprisingly

That’s it.  Not surprisingly well or surprisingly bad or ooshy gooshy in love with each other ( well we are but I am not into making you all gag) but it was loaded with surprises and another learning curve.

Nobody told me that a learning curve can be a wild ride.  Thankfully this wild ride has been mostly exhilarating and funny with a few scary, I want to throw up moments in there for variety.

So come on in, set a spell, enjoy the ride and laugh with us.  It will be anything but dull.  Stay tuned!!

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Sorry Starbucks, I no longer love you a latte!

Dear Starbucks or should that be Dear John,

Yes I am breaking up with you.  It has been a tumultuous caffeine ridden realtionship.  It has had its jittery ups and exhausted downs.  I have gone from simple lattes to cappucinos to eggnog lattes to  non fat skinny mochas no whip to skinny non fat soy peppermint mochas.  I have been fickle among your offerings at best but we have stuck together.

I did stray a couple of times over to Caribou Coffee but you always drew me back in you devil you.  Your green and white signs beckoned and I was weak.

Even though paying $5-$6 seemed outrageous I had my whole list of justifications about why I needed you:

  •  I deserve a treat
  • I’m tired, overworked etc.
  • I just need your warmth
  • I just can’t resist
  • It’s just this once..right? ( NOT!)

I even ignored the fact that honestly most of the time the coffee wasn’t that great, it just tasted off.  I thought it was me or that particular Starbucks but it happened over and over and I still came back for more thinking things would change.

And then I had this:

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It came in a real coffee cup, it made me smile, it was simple..just a cappuccino..no non fat, no whip, extra hot, blah blah blah.

Most of all it tasted divine and made me smile.  And my new love is  cheap  inexpensive.  Truly there is nothing cheap about it ..rich in flavor, rich in experience and most of all real coffee.

And you my friend, for as long as you have been at it, you are still clumsy and inexperienced and nobody wants that in a lover.

So be well my friend in your paper cups and fake pumpkin spiced lattes.

I’ll be with the my new love..maybe not tall but dark,rich in flavor  and with a heart just for me!

Ciao

 

 

 

Good-bye old friend….

It’s that time of year again.  I have avoided it for several years but it is a must this year.  It’s time.  I have to say hello and good-bye and both will be painful in a way only women can understand.

My time came earlier than for most of you.

I have to …I have to..I have to find a new…..

SWIMSUIT

I heard the collective gasp, the memories of poorly lit dressing rooms with unforgiving mirrors in stores that are sometimes cruel enough to carry the latest  copy of Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Edition.

o-SWIMSUIT-SHOPPING-570

Seriously

I have been avoiding this for several years managing to eek out one more season from my ever faithful friend.  It has seen me through several sprint triathlons and tons of training ( well maybe not tons since swimming is still my worst sport) and great times with the grandkids at the pool and ocean.

It deserves a decent burial..the elastic is so gone it leaves black marks on my back.  A not so subtle plea to be replaced.

So I ventured out…well I ventured online to find another replacement hoping beyond hope that this same style was still available.

Yes I am a dreamer.

I surfed the net and even called TYR.  I sent them a photo and the very nice gal called me back and said  incredulously

“Did you buy this in Canada”  Uh..nooo  right here in the good ole USA.  “We ( TYR) don’t even make that style with that back”

mmmm..Well somebody there did because it has your logo monogramed on it.  What she meant to say was “You are out of luck”

As I started to surf again I wished that I could just plug in my dream suit into someplace like map quest and it would direct me to the exact suit I needed.  I guess that is what google is suppose to do but it misses the mark…alot.

Zappos was my online choice.  Love them.  I call them just so I can hear the joke of the day.  The gal was so helpful and my suit came the next day.  Loved the color, the feel of the fabric and then I noticed it was missing something.

The shelf bra.

Ugh  Double ugh.  It’s not that I even need it for support because the newer suits are so snug everything is smooshed anyway.  I want it for the extra lining because…how shall I say this….I would rather shiver to show I am cold than have my breasts tell the whole world “It’s a bit nipply in here”

As luck would have it I ended up near a sports store that specializes in triathlons.  Called ahead to see if they had suits which they did.  What the really nice guys failed to tell me was that ALL but two of the suits were size small.

One of the two looked like it would do.    It was lined, had a shelf bra ( yes) so I tried it on and… no, no and no.

So that is how I found myself having a conversation with a really cute guy about swimsuits and shelf bras.  Yep I had that conversation with a really cute guy. And yes at the beginning it was embarrassing ( we did not get into the nipply part but he got my drift)  I needed some answers and he ended up being very helpful.

Turns out the need for speed has ruled out the shelf bra in  99% of the kind of suits I like to wear.  Wow.  This turtle swimmer has no need for speed..just the need to finish without drowning.

So hello new TYR suit from Zappos..you must do as I have a swim training this week-end.  You fit fine..let’s just hope the “girls” behave, stay in place and decline to do any weather forecasting.  I’ll keep you all posted  or…. not!

Keep triing!

What’s my excuse…well let me tell you!

Can’t keep quiet about this and apparently lots of other people can’t either.  I wasn’t going to write about this especially today since I have a to-do list that would kill anyone and deadlines but I can’t keep quiet.

By now most of you have seen this photo:

Maria-Kang

Nothing wrong with the photo.  She has a rockin bod and three cute kids.  Great!

It’s the words.

Forget the old saying:

“Sticks and Stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me”

That’s the biggest load of donkey dung I ever heard.  I say that knowing  my primary love language is words of affirmation.  I love snail mail with handwritten notes and l love to write them.  So don’t ever tell me that words don’t matter.  They can fill your heart and devastate it as well.

People have accused this woman ( sorry no time to look up her name) of  “Mommy shaming”.  Yup although I doubt that was her intent. Still…mmmm.

Mommy guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.  One quick example:

On the radio yesterday was a female disc jockey talking about things Moms remember, how they mess up and giving words of encouragement to all Moms that we are doing the best we can.  You know what it brought to mind for me?

The time I TOTALLY forgot to send in treats to the pre-school for my son’s third birthday.  He came home wearing the birthday crown and my heart sank.

You know what is really bad about it?

He is 26 now and I  STILL feel bad about it.   ( not obsessing over it but I was surprised when that memory and those feelings came barreling back)

We don’t need to be reminded that it seems like every other Mom is super Mom and we don’t measure up.

As you all know I am all about fitness and eating healthy.   One of my favorite shows is “Extreme Weight diabetes Loss”  where one person is transformed in a year..yup takes a whole year.  And yes it’s TV and they have access to all kinds of resources.  BUT the weight and fitness issues are never just about over-eating and excuses.  There are traumas and limiting beliefs and issues that just keep them stuck not just excuses.

I have to admit I am not sure what other words she could have used that would have made it better.  Maybe she chose them to create a publicity storm much like Mylie Cyrus and twerking  although she claims she just wanted to inspire..really??

On Good Morning America, Sam Champion, the weather guy said he was inspired.

Not so fast buddy boy.  You can be inspired all you want but it is not the same for the Mom who:

  • longs for just one uninterrupted shower
  • got up with one child, went back to bed and then up with another..total time asleep= zero
  • spent the night in the hospital with a critically ill child
  • would like just one thing in her house not to be sticky
  • would like to use the bathroom without an audience

Taking care of small children is a work-out in itself.  That being said I also think Moms need some time to call their own and some may choose to work out..others may just want a nap.  Its all okay.  Being a Mom has seasons to it.  Find your rhythm.

The other dangerous part of this is the husband who looks at it, looks at his wife and says..well she can do it why can’t you?  Granted these guys are jerks or just not thinking but still.

If this chick wants to inspire other Moms then do it in a kinder, gentler way and put on more clothes. I’m all about cute work out wear but this stuff is just for show.

Yup I’m really cranky about this.  I am curious…does this photo inspire you?

Running on the beach, Bo Derek made it look so easy!

If you are younger than I am you may not remember the movie “10” so the reference to Bo Derek may escape you.  Let me catch you up quickly.

bo-derek-10-bikini

This is how Bo Derek looked running on the beach in the movie.

And when I finally had the chance ( after several attempts) to run on the beach guess what??   I did NOT look like this!

Where is the laugh track when you need one ? 🙂

As with most things I have never tried, my imagination and reality had a disconnect.  First off I discovered ( in a blonde moment) that not all beaches are made for running.

I tried in Florida and my feet just sunk into the soft sand .  I got a better work-out trying to get my feet out of the sand than actually running on it which I quickly gave up.

So when we were in Myrtle Beach this past week-end and I saw  so many people running on the beach I knew my Bo Derek, and Chariots of Fire moment had come at last!myrtle beach

I headed out to the beach in the morning, the heat was rising, waves crashing, and wind blowing and I started running.  I am gliding along the perfect sandy surface that gave just enough to cushion my feet and started thinking we have got to move here, I want to run on the beach everyday, this is fabulous, this is easy and then I….

TURNED AROUND

and my delightful run turned into a battle with the wind.  Running into it  slowed me down, left me gasping, sweating and a little discouraged and my thoughts of running on the beach every day disappeared.

So my Bo Derek moment ( minus the braids, the boobs and the fabulous body) had started in a spectactular fashion and ended like I end most of my runs..a sweaty mess.

And that is okay.

I would do it again except  I would only run one way and have Paul come pick me up at the end!  Just kidding..maybe.  And next time for sure I need to have “Bolero” on my Ipod.  Whatever works and gets us out there running, right?

Until next time..keep triing,

It’s Thoughtful Thursday! Forgetting to be grateful for….

Happy Thoughtful Thursday!  Feel honored as I am postponing cleaning my frig to write this post.  You see cleaning my refrigetrator is one of my all time favorite things to do!

NOT!

There is a lesson for me in gratitude in that statement.  As many of you know I sprained my wrist this week when I “gracefully” fell off my bike.  I stopped to get a drink of water, was lost in my thoughts and didn’t clip out of my pedals fast enough and over I went.

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Since then I have found myself becoming aware of all the little things I take for granted.  So in addition to Thoughtful Thursday it is also Thankful Thursday!

Here is a short list:

  • padded bike pants ( saved my behind)
  • bike gloves
  • my friend who was home and came and got me
  • its a sprain and not broken ( phew)
  • motrin 🙂
  • healing quickly
  • my son being home to do things like cut up that yummy watermelon and basically do the things I can’t
  • the ability ( when this heals) to ( without pain) open toothpaste tubes, turn doorknobs, tramadol carry stuff, turn the ignition on my car, write…..

I could make a list a mile long with that last one.  Holy Cow!  Oh and it is my right wrist..and, of course, I am right handed.

So as I headed upstairs to my office to write this and avoid cleaning the frig I wondered “have I ever been grateful that I have a refrigerator to clean AND the ability to put food in it week after week?”

Of course not..I just looked at it as one those “necessary” pain in the butt things I have to do.

So today and hopefully everyday ( no promises from this very human person) I will be grateful for all those things, people and abilities that I have that I often just assume will always be there for me.

It is humbling to see how very rich I am in those people and abilities.

So go out and make it a Two for One Thoughtful AND Thankful Thursday!

I’m off to clean my frig with a smile on my face for a change!!

Cheers!