Let’s play “Where is Jenn?” on her Virtual Tri to Florida aka the UNamazing Race

I think it might be easier to find Waldo than to find me.  Trying to keep all my plates spinning in the air has been quite a challenge.  This virtual tri is quite the opposite of the Amazing Race.  The only amazing thing about it is that I am still determined to do it.

Hit a few roadblocks but I decided to declare this a “no whining, no excuse zone” so will just leave it at roadblocks.

Okay I will whine about one thing.  I usually love “springing forward” and daylight savings time but my body does not!  I should have been adjusted to the time change by the end of that week.   Instead there were a couple of times I would have paid big bucks to have that hour back.

Then, of course, we have the arrival of spring more winter.  We’ve had more snow in March than in any other month.  Ugh.

Guess that makes two whines!

I even did the treadmill and experienced bad treadmill karma.  You’ll have to wait on that story or perhaps see it on America’s Funniest Home Videos.

So my total mileage so far is 74.58   which means I am almost to the North Carolina border, somewhere on  US 301 S near Sussex Dr.

I truly thought I would be halfway there by now.  Maybe I need a new travel agent.

Swimming will be coming in April…indoors..where there is no snow, it’s warm and hopefully no mirrors 🙂

Who knows..I may find Waldo on my journey…wonder if he tri’s??
bldg

I guess he does!!

Keep Triing!!

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My life as a sitcom: Couponing at its worst!

Well extreme couponing has taken on a new meaning in our house.  I skillfully kept my husband from seeing the show of the same name for many months. My biggest fear was that he would see it and being the lover of a great deal I would soon be tasked with clipping coupons, looking for sales and buying vasts amounts of things we really don’t need for the sake of the deal.

I have nothing against couponing, I just don’t want it to be my full time job.

Fortunately for me once Paul did see it, he recognized how time consuming it would be as well as bringing out the hoarder in all of us. Seriously who needs a whole case of deodorant?  Maybe a gym full of teenage boys if you can get them to use it.

Who would guess that couponing could actually get a little weird.

My parents grew up in the depression.  As a result, I grew up believing that you never threw out leftovers ( even if was only a tablespoon) and ALL plastic containers needed to be saved, reused, stored and allowed to multiply at alarming rates.

So I wasn’t surprised when my Dad said he was sending me a coupon that he thought I could use.  He prefaced it by asking if I ever shopped at Victoria’s Secret.

Just the fact that my 86 year old Dad knows about Victoria’s Secret is a little unsettling.

I just assumed it was something my Mom had clipped out of the paper.  I wasn’t quite sure why my Dad was involved but stranger things have happened with those two.

My mother is usually the one who sends coupons for things she thinks I might want to try or I might use.  She spreads the wealth and sends coupons to all three of us girls.  Problem is she keeps forgetting who needs what.  Plus she gets very excited and wants to know if we received them and if we used them.

Not a problem except for months she sent cat food coupons to my sister who only has dogs, diaper coupons to my sister who has college age kids and expired coupons to me.  It made for a few giggles on our part but it didn’t make my sister get a cat or my other sister decide to have another baby!

I thought perhaps because of these mishaps that Dad decided to take over the couponing.

No, he just wanted to send me this one coupon.

Once I received it my reactions ranged from ewwww to maybe I should be flattered to how did an 86 yr old man get on Victoria Secrets mailing list?

This is the coupon I received:

KSCN0001

In fairness to my Dad and knowing how he quickly  scans thing, he more than likely focused on the FREE part.  That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Let’s not leave out Mom here..she was the one who actually sent it!!

While I am not into granny panties, these aren’t my style either but I appreciate the thought.

Lastly I never asked my Dad why he sent this coupon..there are some questions I just don’t want to ask.

AND there is something to be said for just sucking it up and paying full price…sometimes.

Plus there are those paybacks.  If I am lucky enough to live to 86 yrs old I hope I provide as much entertainment to my kids as my parents do for us!

Love you guys!  Keep laughing!

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Asking for a do over as I begin again on my virtual triathlon

Well I had good intentions of starting my virtual triathlon from Virginia to Florida  on Jan 14th.  Well as they say:

Sh*&t Stuff happens, like life.

Also had good intentions of posting my progress on a weekly basis.  (see above)

Wish I could get a do over but lately I have been like a dog in a room full of squirrel, totally distracted and unproductive and  frustrated.

So  I never made it into the water, or on the road or on my bike the week of Jan 14th.

The good news is  I am now on a  roll and I am a movin and a groovin.   So without telling anyone I  humbly asked for a restart.

The new official start date was January 21st!  And as you can tell from today’s date ( Feb 11th) I am running behind in the updates.

My biggest hang-ups getting started ( aside from my chronic procrastination) were:

  • Getting the bike set up.
  • Getting over my love of being outdoors ( I really do grieve that)
  • My  hatred of treadmills.
  • Getting my butt to the pool.

Out of all of those the biggest frustration was the bike.  So it went something like this.

1. Clear a spot in our disaster of a basement for my bike.

2. Get bike trainer set up.  Watch video of how to do it ( I’ve done it once before but “poof” I forgot how)

3. Get ready to call Kinetic to tell them their video sucks because the set-up instructions are buried in one of the segments.

Phew!!  Ended up being easier than I thought.

4.  Realize this part of the basement is extremely warm. The rest of my house is chilly..what gives?

5.  Get on my bike and uh oh no way to track mileage.

6.  Get on google, get on Amazon..get what I need ordered, pay for 1 day  shipping.

7. Clean up basement =move all of the stuff from one room to another, move couches and desks by myself.  Call it a day.

8.  Watch it rain for the 6th day straight and wonder if I should be boating down to Florida.

9. Get cadence /mileage sensor.  Instructions suck.  Google comes in to rescue me.  Still can’t  figure it out.

10.  Clean  more  of   basement and decide SOMEONE in this family is a hoarder.

11.   Throw in the towel on the start of my virtual tri..

I FINALLY got the sensor installed on my bike.  The reviewers on Amazon were wrong or we have different ideas of what an easy set up  means.  I did learn what a crank shaft is and and a chain stay (not as exciting as it sounds!)

Here’s a photo of a bike on a trainer ( and yes I wear my clip in shoes)..tried one of me but the lighting in the old basement pretty much stinks!

bike trainer

So the good news is I DID get started.  The even better news is I LOVE being on my bike inside !  Who knew?  I have made it out to run but have yet to get to the pool although that is coming.

Ugh..the thought of putting on a swimsuit in February and not being in the tropics is not that appealing but it must be done.

So here is my total mileage as of Feb 11th.  I have traveled about 41 miles.  Which puts me somewhere on Ruffin Rd and of course still in Virginia.

I have about 50 more miles before I cross into North Carolina.  mmmm guess I had better get busy biking, running and swimming!

Keep Triing!

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Join me as I Virtually Tri my way to Florida!

As I write this I am  mourning the loss of the perfect weather we were promised for this past week-end and did not get.  All week long the weather guessers kept saying it was going to be 70 degrees on Saturday and Sunday.  Even for Virginia that is unusual.

I pictured myself running and biking and doing a little garden prep work and enjoying the sun. What wasn’t mentioned much or I didn’t hear was all the rain.  Friday, Sat, Sun, Mon. and again today.rain

I was also slightly delusional in thinking the weather might be a predictor of things to come and I would not have to resort to doing most of my training indoors or endure questionable weather.  WRONG!

So to keep me motivated I am going to do a Virtual Triathlon from my house here in Virginia to St. Augustine, Florida.  If map quest is correct it will be a total of 658 miles.

One of the items on my adventure list is to bike across the US or at least down the East or West Coast.  I KNOW I will get to do this but while I am planning and getting things into place I thought I would try to do it virtually to keep me training and motivated during this damp, cold and dreary weather.

Since I like variety I will be running, biking and swimming.  Each week I will post how far I traveled and by following a map I can tell you where I am exactly ( sort cancer of).  There may be days (often)where I end up in the middle  of nowhere.

If I do end up somewhere that is actually on the map I will actually post a little about the area and perhaps actually learn a little geography.

When I can get outside I will and let my trusty Garmin watch keep track of miles.  Indoors it will be the treadmill and bike trainer and as for swimming I FINALLY found an indoor pool to swim in and there is always my indoor swim trainer.  Tracking the swimming will be the most challenging but I will figure it out.

I actually started yesterday, January 14th and I am guessing I will be at this for about 4-5 months considering I am pretty slow and my mileage isn’t where I want to be in any of the three sports AND let’s see my job, my family and everything else life throws at me may create speed bumps along the way.

Who knows I may surprise myself.

So this is a pretty mild kick off to all of this.  I will make short posts weekly about my progress and longer ones if anything BIG happens.

I have a few “My life as a sitcom” posts waiting to be tweeked to keep you laughing.

Right now I need to go set up my bike trainer and get ready to rock n roll some miles.

Oh and anyone who wants to join me..let me know!

Let the tri-ing begin!

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Auto correct, spell check and still the typos continue..enjoy all of mine :)

A dear friend of mine, Sherra has a wonderful weekly blog post called  Typo Tuesday at her website:

Sherralifelesson.com

She has an eye for typos and most are fall down on the floor funny.

My latest favorite was found on a restaurant menu that stated:

Pan fried Tilapia served over oven roasted tomato sauce on a bed of anger hair pasta.

Sherra had an actual photo of the menu listing  to prove she isn’t making these things up.  She has hooked all of us who read her blog into looking for these funny mistakes so she can put them in her posts.

I love and I hate Typo Tuesday.  I love it because it makes me laugh.  I hate dislike it intensely because Sherra makes us look for the typos ourselves and sometimes I can’t find them.

Arghhhhh   When I can’t find them I am reminded how VERY often I have  proof read a blog post only to find I posted it with  a glaring typo.

Sherra has a wonderful sense of humor and even busts herself when she finds she has  committed the heinous crime of a typo.

Her generosity and self deprecation allows me to forgive myself when I am so very human and OMG have a typo or grammatical error in my posts.

For some people, however, typos are like nails on a chalkboard.  If they don’t point them out they start to sweat, twitch and perhaps convulse.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it when someone finds a mistake and I can correct it.

BUT ( you saw that coming)  please, please, please FIRST find something nice to say about the content, even if it’s

“Gosh I love the font you used!”   🙂

I can guarantee if  anyone gives you something to read for feedback ( child or adult) they want you to read it for content  FIRST!

There are certain people I will never again share first drafts with because they made me feel like they were dying to take a red pen and mark all over it with glee.

I LOVE how Michael Port, author of  “Book Yourself Solid” ends his e-mails:

P.S. I don’t charge for typos, they are my gift to you.

I may have to shamelessly steal that line.

I heard someone recently say they won’t share anything that has a typo in it but they bent the rule and shared something with a glaring typo because the content was soo good.

I guess the editors and publishers of these authors  (well known to be awful at spelling)  thought the same way!  The content was just too good!

  • William Faulkner
  • Ernest Hemingway
  • F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • Jane Austen

Oh and for those of you who also pick up on grammatical errors  I share the following funny:comic rewrite contest 1

Bottom line?  Enjoy the posts, laugh, send me corrections but please first tell me you love my font choice!

See me tri to catch those typos!!

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Communication at it’s worse..my life as a sitcom, baby boomer edition.

I have never actually read the book ” Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” but after the following conversation with my husband I believe he may be from Jupiter.

Turns out I don’t need to talk to my parents to get funny posts, I can get them right in the car having a conversation with my husband.

So here is how the conversation in the car went:

Me: Hey do you want to go see the “Body Worlds and the Brain”  exhibition at the Richmond Science museum?  It is a display of actual human bodies and you can see their organs and all kinds of interesting stuff.   Wasn’t sure if you would think it was fascinating or gross.  I could check it out online and send you the info.

Side note: I am a nurse so this stuff would definitely not intimidate me and I am still hearing about a movie I suggested we see when we were dating called “Coma” and how it was really too gruesome for him.  This coming from someone who loves action movies and weird science fiction.

Paul: Really?? Actual bodies.  I wonder gastrointestinal where they get them.

Me: Probably from people who donate their bodies to science.  You know Rosemary and Tony are planning on donating their bodies to science.

Paul: Are you kidding me?  Tony and Rosemary are going to come to Richmond and are not going to stop and see us?

Side note: Took me a few seconds to comprehend what he just said.

Me: Well Paul if they are in the display of ” Body Worlds and the Brain ” because they donated their bodies to science, um NO they are not stopping by because, well they wouldn’t be alive!!

Evidently Paul thinks death is not a good reason to not come visit us when you are nearby.

I must have been speaking like  Charlie Brown’s teacher and this is what Paul chose to hear:

Wha, wha wha, Tony, Rosemary, wha wha in Richmond.

Charlie Browns teacher

So much for communication.    I’m really thinking those script writers need to call me for material.

And to our good friends Tony and Rosemary, please come visit anytime.  Paul thinks you would  be good company no matter what!  I do too but I prefer you be breathing.

Keep laughing!

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Look what the younger crowd has done to me…

It was bound to happen.  Hanging with the younger crowd has led to me to say something that even has me shaking my head.

I have had the good fortune for most of my life to have little ones around.  As a nurse I have been blessed to witness quite a few babies take their first breaths.  I am an expert at quick diaper changes and swaddling!

When my kids got older I had  a niece and nephew come along to keep me in step with the toddler crowd.

Just as they started getting bigger we started having grandchildren.  We had one a year for five years.  Our youngest grandson , Tristun evened things out last December making it 3 boys and 3 girls.

So it had to happen.  My brain got stuck in toddler mode.

Paul and I went to the movies on Sat.  It was a rainy day and the theater was crowded so we rushed to find seats.  Not wanting to have the movie interrupted by the call of nature  I left Paul to save our seats and made the customary before movie pit stop.

After I returned I settled into my seat, turned to Paul and said …

” Don’t you have to go potty”?

oops for blog_0001

I realized what I said as soon as I said it , gasped and then burst out laughing.  Paul wasn’t so amused.  He was grateful I had used my “inside voice” and not announced it to the whole theater.

I think I need to start hanging out with an older crowd.

Too bad “Everybody Loves Raymond” isn’t still in production.  I am sure they could have made a whole show out of this one.

Reality shows are never as good as real life.    Feel free to share those funny moments in your life so I know I am not alone!

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Grandma’s T-shirt had a best friend too! Who knew?

Remember how I discovered my t-shirt has a best-friend?   Well it turns out that party in our  closest has been going on for generations.

My grandmother was born in 1902 and lived a full 90 years.    That is a lot of party time for her bra’s and shirts blouses.  Honestly I am not sure she ever ever wore a t-shirt.

How do I know the party started generations ago?  Well look what I found in a box of memorabilia that belonged to my Grandma.

bosom friend 2

Whoa!  Go Grandma!

When she was a young ingenue, Victoria’s Secret truly was a secret yet to be revealed.

I imagine the bras my grandmother endured were built for function ( probably by a man) and not all that imagineear.com/pharmacy/ attractive or comfortable but they managed to have friends anyways.

One can only imagine what this friend did for my Grandma…

Inside bosom friend

Carried her

  • Extra cash
  • smokes
  • number of her next hook up ( sorry grams)
  • gum
  • lipstick
  • ???

I only wish Grandma had left some hint as to what she really did carry.  Come to think of it my Grandma hailed form West Virginia.

Where is that box of memorabilia?  When I find it my guess is I’ll find a cute little flask, just big enough to hold a few sips of moonshine and small enough to fit in her bosom buddy.

Rock on Grandma..that is a true bosom buddy!

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My T-shirt has a best friend..who knew?

I was recently in one of my favorite stores.  In my group of friends we refer to it by its little known french name  Tarjay…you may know it as Target.    A couple of my friends refer to it as the “hundred dollar store” since that is what their bill always seems to be.

I must be getting rusty since one of my recent outings there was just one dollar!

So I was ambling down the aisle the other day and much to my surprise I discovered that my t-shirt has a best friend.

Really?  Does this mean I have to arrange play dates?

Turns out I was in for about 15 minutes of entertainment.  What can I say, I am easily amused.

Where was I you ask?

I made the mistake of thinking I could just whip into the “lingerie aisle”, pick up a couple of bras in my size and be on my merry way.

NOT

Yes, true confessions.  I buy my bras at Target but maybe for not much longer.

Bra shopping in and of itself can be maddening.  Once you find one you like and fits you well you had better buy all you can afford because the evil bra makers will discontinue it if they find out it is well liked.  I don’t understand their logic but that is what seems to happen to me and lots of other women.

So this is the first sign I see that led to believe there is whole new world of bra relationships out there!Tshirts best friendNot just my t-shirts BFF but her NEW BFF!  Wow…what have I been missing here..there is a party in my closet that I was NOT invited to!

Of course no relationship would be complete without that helpful bra!Helpful bra!

Lift me and I’ll return the favor!

Gives new meaning to the phrase  “tit for tat”

This was getting good.  Who knew this would be so entertaining.

Turns out there is one that gives away the secret to SMOOTH success!Secret to smooth success

And its beyond bare. Funny I thought beyond bare was just plain naked.

This next one has it all wrong.Genie bra what all women wish forI got news for the Genie bra..this is not what all women wish for. Last  time I checked most women wanted a cleaning lady, a nap and dinner ready when they got home.  Maybe that has changed since the bestseller “The 50 Shades of Grey ” has come out.  I’ll let you know after I read it. Who wants to lend it to me?

On top of everything else now our bras need to be accessorized.   Give them a BFF and they become high maintenance.

bra accessoirs$24.99 to accessorize my bra?  Not happening  here no matter what her BFF  says.

And this one doesn’t want to confused with anything techy..so instead of wireless its

Wirelesswire free and not short on self -esteem since it deemed itself  “simply perfect”

And of  course we have to have the “Snooky” in this group of  bra friends.2 times sexy  adds 2 cups

mmmm..no thanks.

Last but not least we have the over achieving bra.self expressions full support stays up all day heaven sent of your dreamsIt is the bra of your dreams, stays up ALL day and I would guess the night as well, it self expresses and is heaven sent.

WOW!

I did end up finding two bras, not sure if they are becoming my t-shirts new BFF.  I’ll let you know.  In the meantime I have to check out this new store that actually gives its bras names like Hannah, Misty and Suzi.

I can just see it now.

“What a pretty name, were you named after a relative?   “No  I was named after Mommy’s favorite bra!

Gotta run…I hear a party going on in my closet!

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My life as a sitcom part 2!

My hubby has the dubious honor of spending a few nights a week with my parents. It works out well for all of us. He has a homey place to stay while away, my parents enjoy his company and my siblings and I appreciate the weekly check-in on the folks.

It is also the source of much humor.

Disclaimer:  anyone reading this who knows or comes in contact with my parents..Keep the secret..teehee..siblings and cousins this means YOU!

Before I begin let me lower the “cone of silence” with a tip of the hat to that 60’s sitcom “Get Smart” and assume you all can keep a secret, especially those of you who actually know my parents.
cone of silence
Last night Paul walked into my parents home and the scene went something like this:

Mom…guess what Paul? I have news! We are now part of the Neilson family.
Paul scratches his head and thinks to himself..who are the Neilsons? Do I know these people?

Mom: Look, we have a box attached to each TV and every time we watch we have to click this remote ( oh man, just what my parents need, another remote) and it tells the Neilsons what we watch.

Paul is still scratching his head when Dad enters stage left. “Yes Paul..I am viewer #1, Betty is viewer #2 and you are viewer #3”
Does this remind anyone of Dr. Seuss.. Thing 1 and Thing2 ?

Thing one and two

More puzzled looks from Paul since he watches whatever they are watching and endures the maximum volume possible allowed to boot.

Paul…”well how did this happen?”

Mom “we were SELECTED”     This was said with great pride.

Okay..well do they compensate you for it?

Dad “why yes we got a Cherry Pie” mmm “Oh and a small stipend” Evidently the stipend is super top secret because he would not say how much.

Mom..”Yes..they were here for five hours installing everything”

What a good deal for those guys. I am sure Mom fed them and maybe even sent them home with food. They did have to endure anti inflammatories Dad’s jokes since he had a new audience and try and install this stuff on my folks antiquated televisions. They earned their wages for sure that day.

Paul was patient as Dad explained the whole process to him. He couldn’t help but ask, so what happens if I watch TV with logging in?

Does a death ray emit from the TV?

Dad didn’t miss a beat ( but did miss the humor) “Well I don’t know about that but you MUST log in everytime”

mmm, maybe there is a death ray or at least an electric shock, who knows.

Early the next morning Paul procured a plastic container and lid from my mothers collection of at least 1,000. She never met a plastic container she couldn’t keep. He got the cherry pie out of the frig to take a piece for lunch and there on top of the pie was a note in Dads handwriting.

I forgot to tell you…keep the Neilson stuff a secret..mum’s the word!

Kudos to Dad for putting it on the cherry pie. Paul never met one he couldn’t resist.

I could have saved the “Neilson family” alot of time and trouble. Here are the shows Mom and Dad watch: Anything with a talking head or pundit ( with election season there are just too many to list) NCIS ( Mom’s fav) PBS and the history channel.

If they hadn’t canned  “As the World Turns” that would be on the list as well.

Oh and so much for demographics. I guess advertisers really want to know what the octogenarians are watching these days.

Now remember its a secret. Perhaps Mom is thinking if they excel at this the Neilson family will invite them for dinner or maybe she’s afraid there really is a death ray. Oh my.

I’ll bet if we all got together and traded parent stories we could make a fare wage at the networks as “Idea” people.

I am hoping none of my kids start to blog about us.

You know what they say about paybacks 🙂

Keep laughing,

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